Think online dating sites or applications will bring you happiness? Stop learning looking without; start practicing looking within – swipe upper left to trash-bin.

How desperate does one have to be to in order to enter into the unscrupulous world of online dating – or to download an application such as Tinder into one’s phone? The answer: apparently, very. What has happened to modern society in 2019 that we no longer allow the universe to take its natural course, instead molding and shaping it at every street corner or local cafe, when out and about, when convenient for our ever-so excessively busy lives – determining if someone is worthy of our time or somewhat, romp in the sheets, with the swipe of a finger? What real chance does that give you of finding true love that leads to marriage and a family? Instead, are you more apt finding a freak-in-the-sheets that passes on the gift that keeps on giving: a sexually transmitted disease; or even worse yet, unwanted pregnancy? Hope you do not live in the Deep South.

How did our ancestors do it? No, not that! How did our grandparents meet – well, you are here aren’t you? Were their lives easier – and ours busier, more complicated? Is that by our own doing: the insatiable need to busy ourselves to the point of self-exhaustion or mental breakdown? Are you falling prey to social marketing designed by psychologists who know what your insecurities and instant gratification buttons are – exploiting them to the hilt, all the while smiling to the bank whilst driving to their weekend getaway beach home? Is it possible there exists another method or way to undertake this thought to be unbearable process? Are you willing to take ten minutes from your exceedingly stressed life to explore such options, or too busy swiping right? It appears you are unduly busy being happy.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Carl Jung

It is a Friday night, and as I sit here in my home pondering how I will spend my weekend, I cannot help thinking of all the people out-and-about at bars and other local hotspots having fun drinking, flirting, dancing and listening to music with friends whom, if asked if they were happy, would immediately reply an emphatic “yes.” But, is that really the case? How many of them are truly happy? How many are deceiving themselves, and possibly overly tricking others along the way in the process? How many of them will fall into the trap of waking up next to their mate five years on, bewildered who this woman sleeping next to me is, wondering who did I marry? Better yet…who am I? Are they even aware of what is happening – how they are squandering away the one commodity that can never be recovered: time? Perhaps the only ones they are fooling are in fact themselves.

Psychology statistics and studies would tell us a different story. With over 70% of people reporting to a job they hate; divorce consistently well over 50%, and rates of marriage dissatisfaction with their partners standing at all-time highs, one might think otherwise. Depression and suicide are also at historically peak numbers presently in the United States. We are taking more medications for anxiety and depression that can be found on record, yet we are still less happy as a society, generally, and in life and our relationships, specifically. If you think, as is the American way, the Silver-bullet theory will solve your woes – that going to see a man or woman in a white lab coat with an over-priced education that made them into a great diagnostician and poor healer, with an MD at the end of their name, will assist or help you to solve anything – I have a part of the Brooklyn bridge to sell you, at a reduced rate; which, today only, is at half price.

Inordinately, joy is mixed up with happiness; people think them one-the-same. Many things provide us daily joy, but that does not mean we are happy in life as a result. The two are vastly different. One is a temporary feeling of elation, while the other is a way of living one’s life – with deep inner fulfillment and satisfaction of our decisions. The tongue only weights on average 65 grams but so few can hold their words to their actions. Happiness is not about getting what you want in life, all the time, rather it is about appreciating what you have in life and having gratitude each day. Each day the sun goes down, but every morning it gets back up. There is a savvy slice of Japanese proverbial wisdom offered in my book, Unbreakable Mind: Fall down seven times, get back up eight. Well, mi amigo, time to get back on the metaphorical horse and start living life again. Happiness is knocking at your door.

When we are not ridiculously busy riding our story horse, we are absurdly quick to run away from our pain. But not all pain hurts you, most brings growth into your life as well. We have become a society of delicate flowers who run for cover at the first sign of discontent or difficulty. Only when we learn to leave our comfort zone and trust in the process do we open the doors to actual improvement. Change is not easy – it requires significant dedication in order to reprogram what was set into your mental construct, locked in by age seven. Embrace the tempest storms of transformation into your life, for it is those that result in the greatest substantial internal change and growth. You spend considerable time in life with yourself, if you cannot be happy with yourself, how will you ever lead a life of happiness or allow others to love you for who you really are? Your divine purpose lies ahead. Giddy-up!

There are no mistakes in life, situations, people or events: Eventually you will end up where you are meant to be in life, with the person whom you are meant to be with – be patient. Making yourself priority number one is not selfish, it is necessary, inextricably intertwined with your ability to find happiness. Though many a smart advertisement or marketed application will convince you otherwise, happiness is not a destination or object you can go to a class to attain, find through a download on your phone or buy off the shelf, it is a state of being. Don’t settle – which is what these applications cause countless unsuspecting people to do. Psychological reasons like fear of missing out or remaining alone aside, one day you will find someone who loves you for who you are, bumps and bruises included; after all, it is those trials and tribulations of life that made you who you are today. No pressure, no diamond.

Love does not have conditions; learn to love yourself unconditionally, first and foremost. Never wish to be better than anyone than the person you were yesterday. In life, having set expectations and attachment to outcome are two sure ways to continually lead you down a path to unhappiness. Take the road less traveled – inward, for that is where the greatest rewards prevail. And being that you spend the most time with yourself, you might consider making that your first port of call. Learn to look within, not without – for that is where you will find eternal bliss, contentment. Your heart knows what it wants, albeit the endless cacophony of ping-pong thoughts from your mind, so give it time – it will come when the juncture is right.

Without the bad days you would not learn to appreciate the good ones – we live in a dualistic world. You own the keys to your happiness; never allow someone else to hold the keys – or to be in control of your energy. At the end of the day, we are the only ones responsible for how we feel. If you give that power away to someone else, you will be endlessly disappointed, probably blaming others, when the only person to blame is yourself. In life you will never encounter a bigger bully than your own thoughts. Learn to get out of your mind and into your heart – that is where the gold is. The most difficult roads lead us to the most beautiful destinations. Growth does not come easy; it is ugly, raw and painful – but, know this: When through the deep inner journey you will be a new person, never looking in the rear-view mirror of the old you again. You will instead appreciate where you came from and what it took to get you there.

Recently I read a post on Stem Cells by Tony Robbins. He should stick to marketing drive-through-happiness to the masses and selling his infinite number of books and seminars on how to change your life. And although he gives people some really great ideas and advice, he only explains to you half the story. He is like a doctor; he only knows what he knows. He and the others in his like-minded fraternity are incapable of giving you those answers or instructions in life – they are unaware; and it would also kill their current opiate of the masses cash-cow they’ve created for themselves – they are all millionaires many times over. It reminds me of Chazz Palminteri’s comment in A Bronx Tale to Colagero, when he says to him: If your father cannot pay the rent, ask Babe Ruth if he cares. He is not at the vibration or level of wisdom to take you there. He could try but it would fail. See people like Paul Brunton.

The dullard with a crafty disingenuously constructed profile might make you swipe right, but that same skilled cunning makes him no more a prince than a man named Dick a Freudian slip. Finding your prince is less a chance of modern dating psychologically guilt driven social marketing targeted to you in order to make you believe there is some utter essence of time slowly dissipating, and more an act of destiny than magic. Learn to trust in the process of the universe; it has worked since the beginning of time. In other words, it is out of your control, give it a break, hang up your dating hat, unsubscribe and delete all dating applications, take a rest – start living and enjoying life but, most importantly, start getting to know yourself, your heart, first and foremost – practicing doing the dirty dishes of life.

Start learning to look within yourself for answers, for happiness. There is no need to download any application of temporary joy, paying Match, Okcupid, E-harmony or any of the other greedy bastards looking to free your wallet of your well-deserved money – it is free – it always has been. It was free 1000 years ago, which seemed to work out just fine for them. Subsequently, it can also help you do so in 2019. As you spend your time trying to fix what is broken, searching out any new compulsive trend or joie de vivre to provide you infinite happiness, the real person you are meant to become awaits in the eternal branches on the tree of life. Until you learn to differentiate joy from happiness, short lived pleasure from long term contentment, what you truly seek in life will continue eluding you.

Although, most likely, many reading this would like to make the process and journey of looking deep within the abscesses of their deepest being a trip to Disneyland, that it is not quite how it works, nor a prudent plan. There is no free ice-cream in the world, Mickey ears or not. Pain is your biggest teacher: listen to it, process it, and learn from it! Media and the social-minded marketing machine are always telling us what we should look like, how we should act, what we should do, and now who we should date and why – get real, people – do you wish to continue being robotic pawns manipulated in this game any longer? Happiness aside, it is nice to simply have control of your own life, to sit in the driver’s seat of an already mostly prescribed and automated car – the chosen vehicle of social norms and society. Learn to trust your gut, inner-self, higher-self. Pure energy does not lie.

Stop listening to the endless cacophonous noise of the world and start listening to your deep own inner voice, your heart. Your heart is pure, it only knows truth. Let your soul shine, guide you. It already knows where to lead you, if you allow it. Unless you want to be labeled insane, it is time to find a new toolbox for happiness. Deus ex machina modern day dating applications and websites, contrived and controlled, will not bring you happiness. Nor will following every whim of your confused loins. Stop searching everywhere, looking wherever to find the smile you desire in life and start learning to look within, the divine is in your heart. The light at the end of the tunnel is not the illusion, the tunnel is – and, as said best by Rumi: What you are seeking is seeking you. Open your eyes, turn the busyness volume down, honor your inner wisdom and see what your heart has to say – imagine the possibilities.

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout. Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher.

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Travel Blog links: Covid-19 stranded in NYC JFK and Maine – also travel stories on Ireland, Spain, Sweden, Belgium, Iceland, Colombia (Espanol version), Amsterdam, Germany, New Hampshire, TN and NYC.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.

Thank you for your love and support.

Unbreakable Mind: One year anniversary – a letter of love and gratitude.

This weekend is the one year anniversary of publishing my first book, Unbreakable Mind. It was quite the experience getting to that point; it has been an amazing journey since. It has opened new doors never thought possible before, including being made into a movie in 2020. I am endlessly grateful to the process – the unfolding of the universe’s plan for us, no matter how different we think it will be. Mine just happened to include a ticket for the express train; and it was free ( 🤣 ) – though the true price was unimaginable, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Nonetheless, it has all brought me to this place, a place of healing and, as a result, helping others.

The book has assisted and touched thousands of lives, more than I ever could have dreamed or thought possible. Each month it continues to grow in new directions, amazing me at every turn. It can now be found in countless local, city, university and medical school libraries and bookstores. As well, one can find copies in a number of world-wide city and town libraries. Many teachers use the book for essay topics or various types instruction to their students as part of their lesson plan. It is also now under consideration at numerous well respected medical schools as required reading due to its unique perspective through the patient’s eyes. For all these reasons, I am filled with infinite gratitude and endless thanks.

There are no mistakes in life – events, places or people. Books come to us at the right time; we must be ready to receive the message. If you decided to read my book, thank you – I hope it resonated with your life and you found healing or meaning through it. Or perhaps just liked the story and found motivation and inspiration, as a result. If you know someone who has a struggle and could benefit from the book, please consider sharing the book or perhaps sending them a copy. I am eternally grateful for all those who have been a part of this journey, directly or indirectly. As this one year anniversary is upon me, I marvel at the possibilities the future holds. Thank you for being a part of the magik of the trail – the gratefulness in my heart is unbound, over-filled with love and gratitude. Love and light. S

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout. Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher.

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.

Thank you for your love and support.

Per, you touched my mind and heart, my left butt-cheek responded.

This is my first official blog post. It is a blog of love and gratitude: dedicated to Per Gjeding.

The idea of a blog has been presented to me many times over the years but was never a true fit. As with all things in life, the sands of time did their infinite magical dance and, as a result, I was again faced with Doing the Dirty Dishes in life. So, as I embark on this new chapter of my story, on the journey we call life, it is my hope you will find my musings informative, light, witty and funny, or any combination of the above. Please take a minute to read on and share with me my first official blog post sent into the universe.

As I sat in the shower today, as on most days, I let the hot water run over my head, trickling down all over my body, comforting my over-worked muscles and frazzled nerves, contemplating what could ever I write as a blog. There were so many ideas running through my head. They were endless; all over the map. Another part of me was unsure who would want to read it, but after a quick reality check of what my life has morphed into, and with the continued robust monthly sales of my first book, Unbreakable Mind, I finally capitulated to the universal forces to be and decided that I would post one blog entry per month. And so it goes.

As I continued on with my bath routine, a peculiar Wilander act of sudsy balance, something was amiss, suddenly change was upon me. This was not my first time down this road; big changes always portended future recovery. In massive amounts of pain in my groin, hip, pelvic cradle and glute muscles for weeks, nothing out of ordinary, I was in search of answers. I knew a newly introduced Physical Therapy system, PAS by Aktiv Form, created and developed, the result of twenty years of endless and selfless years of dedication to heal himself from tragic injury, by Per Gjeding, of Danmark, was affecting my nerves and muscles but had no real or clear idea where all that hard work would lead me. For the first time in my injured life I was able to lift my left butt-cheek and wash it without any bracing or other assistance. I was so ecstatic I wanted to get up and jump in the water. I knew what this meant: It translated into a major piece of recovery still required before I could walk again. I was over the moon with love for Per, and incredibly grateful to all others who helped prepare me to get to this point to be ready for PAS therapy.

Not long ago I was on a trip to Iceland. There I would be meeting an old friend, a friend whom is special to me, a friend I met while living in Tokyo over twenty years ago. She was originally from Nepal but was now a married nurse in Boston, with a lovely teenage daughter, Hazel. It was a ‘layover’ in Iceland, en route from Sweden to Philadelphia, a result of the infamous Iceland stopover in Reykjavik. Which, it should be noted, and perhaps will be elaborated on in a later post, is not really a stopover where technically you pay taxes to exit the airport, rather, it is actually two separate flights they string together and refer to as a stopover. If it truly were a stopover, the cost to stop in Iceland would be much less money out of pocket. With tourism on the decline, an over-priced and over-supplied housing market in full throttle, they might heed lessons from the past, and change their bait-and-switch ‘stopover’ international ad campaign. Otherwise the country is absolutely amazing. I plan to return this year.

After arriving at Reykjavik airport early, I stopped for a cup of tea and some last minute local Nordic sweets; a pre-flight relax routine I have developed over my years of extensive world travel. That and older age have me arriving for flights extra early these days. Actually, I find it more fun and it eliminates any undue stresses on my body. Nothing tenses an injured body more than rushing it – even though you are not pressured, your body will become so on its own. Normally I am first to board but the flight crew did not have the aisle wheelchair for the plane ready for me. Finally I settled on having a nice young strong Polish ground crewman carry me the ten feet onto the plan to my seat. Until he found out I was sitting in seat 1D he was not overly thrilled at the thought of my request. I have been a few places and knew better to get on the plane sooner than later. After a few minutes of settling in I looked to my right to introduce myself to my seatmate. “Hello, my name is Steven,” and he introduced himself in a heavy English accent as “Piere.”

Upon first hearing his accent, I thought I had a Frenchman sitting at my side. The stewardess came out with some champagne and fresh fruit. It must have been a long day for us both as the glasses never had a chance to touch the tray. A few minutes passed and I was curious where my new flight compatriot was from. As the stewardess poured us some red wine, people filing past, Piere and I were locked into deep conversation. Though I was still unsure what is his actual name was, and from where he hailed. At some point in his explanations to me, as I assume he is answering my questions, I hear him say “Slovakia.” Ahh, that is it! He is Slovak. Lucky me, I speak some. “Aka sa mas? Dobre?” I say to him. He looks at me as if I have three eyes. Fifteen minutes, and another round of Spanish red wine later, I conclude his name is actually Per and he is Danish, a true Scandinavian. I decide at this point to skip any attempt to utter any bit of my small Dansk repertoire.

As it turns out, in our mutual attempt to get over one another’s initial accents, he was telling me the story of how had been paralyzed in an accident as a young man, and taught himself, through sheer gritty determination and the endless quest to understand how his body heals, his own method of Physical Therapy. The name of the system he created is PAS by Aktiv Form. He then goes on to not only tell me of his recent groundbreaking speech at Oxford University, which, in case you are wondering, floored the audience, before handing me an actual copy of his presentation, with his whole 7 keys system of healing revealed to me. Well, talk about synchronicity of the universe; the unconditional unending love of God – I was speechless. For those who know me know that is no easy task to accomplish. Stewardess, two more wines, please. I was unsure what had just happened.

When we got back to Philadelphia airport, it turned out Per was staying at a hotel near to my home. He was in town visiting his son, Jack, whom I have rarely seen such love for a son by a father. Two hours of our flight were spent listening to stories of his awesome American university, Division II star basketball player son, along with plenty of photos, also including those of his family and home in Jutland, Danmark. We shared a taxi. I got out of the taxi at my residence and as I went to shut the door, Per asked me, “Steven, are you free in a few days for lunch?” “Sure, Per, that sounds spectacular. Let’s do lunch soon.” I said as I exited our Uber ride. Later that evening I tried reaching Per at his hotel and they had no record of him. The Whatsapp number he gave me was also unreachable. I was unsure what to think and soon got back to settling in my home after a one month mentally and physically exhaustive trip to Scandinavia.

Three days later, early in the morning, a text arrives from Malik, my local Pakistani Uber friend. He asks me if I am ready for lunch at 12 noon with Per. Oh shit, I guess he did not forget our unconfirmed appointment, even though we had not spoken a word since I left the taxi three nights prior. It turns out his wife forwarded him the email I sent to him through his Danish website the night we had met. As he enters my home, with a big smile: “Halo,my good friend,” jolly and joking as always. We have tea and chat. Then he asks me to lie down so he could do some tests. Observations completed, with a big smile on his face, he informs me my body is healing well and with further physical therapy regimen, his, I could complete all the circuits and start walking again. He then popped up, said he was off to see his son practice basketball, and asked if I would be free again in two days. Before I could holler out a loud yes, he was out the door. As he ran off, I quickly made it to the door to scream out the door, “yes Per, yes, let’s do it again in two days.” As he moved out of site, I could hear him say, wrapped in an impish child’s laughter, “see you in two days, Steven.” Two days later at high noon he was there.

What was transpiring in my life? What galactic forces had combined through serendipitous means in order to bring us two together, sitting next to one another on a trans-Atlantic plane ride, and later in my living room. It is my belief that forces beyond the comprehension of the human mind are responsible for bringing us together in Iceland. Nothing is random in life; everything happens for a reason. Including Per. But there I was, sitting quietly with information I knew could help me walk again. Over the next two months I would follow his system exactly as he instructed. After about thirty days, I began seeing the results of his ground breaking physical therapy system. It was tremendous, some might say miraculous. It is only a matter of time before I start walking with a walker.

Per, you touched my heart and mind, and my left butt-cheek responded. Never before in my wildest imagination would I have dreamed of meeting you, or the result of such aligned planetary forces that brought me together with you and your amazing PAS Physical Therapy system. There are no mistakes in life; there are no chance meetings. We met for a reason – which is now clear to me and hopefully soon to others in the universal shared conscious of our cosmos. Thank you for your love and support. Steven

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout. Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher.

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.

Thank you for your love and support.